TYPES OF PEOPLE ON FACEBOOK

1) The "Rooster" – Feels that it is their job to tell Facebook "Good Morning" every day.

2) The "Lurker" – Never posts or comments on ur post, but reads everything, and might make reference to your status if they see you in public.

3) The "Hyena" – Doesn't ever really say

anything, just LOLs and LMAOs at everything.

4) "Mr/Ms Popular" – Has 4,367 friends for NO reason!

5) The "Gamer" – Plays Words With Friends, Mafia Wars, Bakes virtual cakes and stuff, etc., ALL DAY.

6) The "Cynic" – Hates their life, and everything in it, as evidenced by the somber tone in ALL of their status updates.

7) The "Collector" – Never posts anything either, but joins every group and becomes fans of the most random stuff.

8)The "Promoter" – Always sends event invitations to things that you ultimately delete or ignore.

9) The "Liker" – Never actually says anything, but always clicks the "like" button.

10) "Drama Queen/ King" – This person always posts stuff like "I can't believe this!", or "They gonna make me snap today!", in the hopes that you will ask what happened, or what's wrong but then they never finish telling the story.

11) The "News" – Always updates you on what they are doing and who they are doing it with, no matter how arbitrary,

12) The "Thief" – Steals status updates... and will probably steal this one. :)

Which type are you? Tell us in the comment.

Upgradation from Boyfriend to Husband....Must read

Dear Tech Support:

Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewellery applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of only limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!

Sincerely, XXX


Dear XXX:

This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible.

Things: Then and Now

Change is the only constant? This is a list of Then and Now for the following :

1. Mobile Phones and their Tariff Plans: Imagine a world where you had to pay for incoming calls. A missed call could cost as much as Rs 11! This is not a hypothetical scenario taken out of a horror movies, it is the reality that was telecom tariffs just 8-10 years ago. Compare this with the recent ruling of TRAI making per second tariffs mandatory. We have come a long way!

Earlier generation mobile phones beat the definition of mobility. Some of them were so big that they made cordless phones (anyone remember these?) look miniscule. Enter Nokia. The 3200 and 1100, the icons of cellular communication in India. You could be involved in a train wreck and be half dead but these would still come out alive and kicking.

2. Movie Theaters: If you have lived long enough, you will remember the good old days of movie watching. Standing in the ticket queues for 45 minutes. Having 2 Samosas and a cold drink and a popcorn all for Rs 30. Buying tickets in black right outside the theatre!

Now fast forward to reality. A popcorn today costs as much as 2 movies tickets 5 years ago. Its good that seats don’t smell like someone has just pissed on them, but paying up to Rs 400 for a normal weekend ticket goes way above almost everyones pay packet. (This I say for the unlucky few who live in south bombay or the eastern suburbs). Its sad that we don’t have balcony and stall seating anymore, although the whistlers and hooters are still going strong! Someone should tell this to Mulayam Singh, he just might bring reservation in movie halls too.

3. Cartoons on TV: Cartoon Network, that too in English. Need I say more?

Everyone would remember coming home from school and propping your butt in front of the TV as Cartoon Network was available only till 6pm. This increased to 8pm then 10pm and then one fine day, God decided to be so generous to the children-kind and make it a 24 hours channel! You probably dint know it then, but thats as close you would have been to having an orgasm.

Cartoons today have lost their charm, and I don’t think there are many who would disagree. Take Swat Kats as an example, would you prefer the English name or the newer Dhatui Bille? Ben 10 over the Centurions? I don’t think so!

4. Competitive Exams: (Read CET, JEE, AIEEE, HSC and the works..)

My Nana (grandfather) once told me how he got into IIT. He said he had got 46% in his HSC and wanted to pursue Civil and Mechanical Engineering because big machines fascinated him. There was this new thing called the IIT that was set up by the government which had room for 800 students but only 420 had applied. Yes, once upon a time there were more seats in IIT than the number of students who wanted to enroll. Fast forward 50 or so years and it shows just how much things have changed. The hierarchical procedure of getting into IITs has transformed beyond anyone’s wildest dreams. The coaching classes and the coaching classes for the coaching classes have spawned a whole economy on their own. This is how the transformation has happened:

1950s: Study Well -> Get into an IIT

1980s: Study Well for entrance exam -> Get into an IIT

2000s: Attend coaching -> Study well for entrance exam -> Get into an IIT

2012: Study Well for the entrance exam for the coaching class for the IIT exam -> Give entrance exam for IIT coaching class -> Attend coaching -> Study Well for entrance exam -> Get into an IIT !!!!



5. Price of Petrol: There was a time when a long drive or date with your female friend did not factor in the cost of petrol as a variable. Just 10 years back it was Rs 30 per litre. Today it is Rs 78. Beer costs cheaper! Dont drive, only drink is the new mantra.

A clever answer by the oil minister to a a protester was, “Look at Pakistan, they pay Rs 98 /litre of petrol. Yea well they do manage to diversify its uses to justify the price. (Petrol Bombs, Burning buildings etc etc.).

Diesel car owners don’t smile and gloat in your glory, you will burn in hell one day!!

Ek boond petrol ki kimat tum kya jaano ramesh babu…

6. Locals Trains:

Well there are some things that don’t change. And no matter what you do, they will never change. Even if the number of bogies in a train is made 20 and the color changed again to pink or white, the number of people in a local train will remain the same. God Bless our local trains!

Facebook statuses I’ll never understand

This article is basically about what status people put up these days on this popular and overrated social networking platform.

So the status means what you feel and want to tell the world, at the same time, what the world wants to know, and a part which people generally tend to skip. Have a look.

1) Shocking thing, i still can’t believe it happened! Comment: what?? Reply: sorry, can’t tell on fb. Then why the hell did you tell it on the first place!

2) Thanks XYZ for being in my life, i love youuuuuu! Isn’t there an option called wall post or private messaging on Facebook!!

3) I enjoyed so much today..Thank you ramesh and suresh for a lovely time. Now that is a complete double meaning status. By a girl, it means a question..was there a threesome?? And by a boy… boy! Don’t even ask!

4) I hate justinbeiber. We all do, but guess what, he’s rich, he has a girlfriend better than yours and he’s more famous than you ever will be. So face it and don’t show what a loser you’re publically.

5) I think Sachin should retire. Frankly, neither bcci nor Sachin is reading that. Such statuses only tell how much misused a Facebook status can be!

6) Your cousin/mom/brother/father/sister is the first one to do blah blah and it’s a week to celebrate love and followed by another 400 characters. Really!! You really think people read that. All they do is to like and that too because you’re a hot girl and he’s a despo.

7)A song. Yes, people putting songs as their status. You know when kapilsibbal said he would filter Facebook updates, he said it because he was tired of reading “tu hi merishabhai” and “tujhebhuladiya” as people’s status. How irritating it can be. Especially when your ex updates “I’m in love” as her status! (no more questions please.)

8)Spam!! Yes, i saved the best for the last. “Check out who deleted you” and “see who visits your profile” such statuses have crapped my timeline many times. Why would you even click on such links at the first place? People never understand and this makes me want to, well, log out!!

So these were the 8 statuses i think shouldn’t be there or should be completely banned on fb. I know there’s more. Like the photos, the likes, the viral links and the weird troll updates, etc. Anyways, don’t forget to hit ‘Like’  :)

Best of Rajnikanth jokes at one place

Here are the top Rajinikanth jokes :

1. Rajnikant got admission in medical profession. And gave viva exam. In the end he asked the examiner to come back after preparation.

2. Rajnikanth installed ebuddy in Nokia 1100.

3. Rajnikanth can speak in capìtal letters.

4. Rajnikant can make calls from his iPod to his iPad

5. Rajnikant once won an argument with his wife.

6. Rajnikanth’s Pulse is measured in the Richter scale..!!

7. Rajnikanth’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajnikanth

8. Rajnikant is reading the book ” How to make mistakes”

9. Rajnikanth was shot today. Tomorrow is bullet’s funeral.

Baba Ramdev created fury at Tussauds

According to our sources, it is a confirmed news that a worker at Madam Tussauds Museum has went to a state of coma after being confused at what pose to make for Baba Ramdev’s wax statue.

As the news from the BBC stated, Baba Ramdev was honored for his legendary yoga acts and was also given freedom to “pose as he wishes” for the wax statue unlike other indians who have been honored before.

Unique way to ask her out

5 unique ways to ask her out So here I am going to tell you 5 awesome and unique ways to ask a girl out. These ways are NOT copied from the playbook, are working if followed properly. So read carefully, and tell me what you liked the most.

Way 1 :

As they say dogs are man’s best friend, use it! Buy/rent a dog and make friends with it. Train it in a way that it stops when you command. Now make the dog drink some wine, (or bhang for desi style) and set it after the girl you like. When she is running for her life, ask her out and stop the dog only when she says yes.
Pros: 100% yes
Cons: don’t overdose the wine or you might have to run for your life!